Saturday, April 12, 2014

I Am Small & He is Faithful

I have never felt so small in my life. It doesn’t help that I live on the tippy top of a hill and I can see all of Africa from my window. This dream is so big and I’m so small standing up against it. I’m fighting every second of every day to stay faithful, to keep believing this is God. I’m not qualified, I’m not brave, I’m not strong. But I am willing.

I’m praying to The Father “God, even if I never understand why you brought me here, even if I never see this dream fully come true, my one desire is to please You. Teach me to be obedient, even when it doesn’t make sense to me. I just want to please You.

The scariest part and the best part of this dream is that I cannot do it.

Last night I was sitting on my porch in tears over these thoughts and I was reminded of Abraham. God made a covenant with him saying

…”Look toward heaven and number the stars, if you are able to number them” Then he said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” And he believed the Lord, and he counted it to him as righteousness. (Genesis 15:5-6)

Abraham must have been freaking out. God just gave him the biggest, coolest dream ever! I’m sure he was high on the promise of such an exciting future, until the thought of “Wait…how…?” crept in. After years and years of waiting on the promise to be fulfilled, people must have started to question if Abraham had really heard from The Lord at all. They must have seen Sarah’s aging body and whispered their doubts. But the Bible says in hope Abraham believed against hope that God would fulfill His promise.

There was really nothing Abraham could do to make his dream come true any faster. He couldn’t make it happen in his own power. The only thing Abraham could do was stand firm in faith, trusting that God would do it in His timing.

He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead (since he was about a hundred years old), or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah’s womb. No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised. (Romans 4:20-22)

God gave Uniquely Woven a huge dream for Uganda, and I’m here believing in faith that He is going to show me the way. Every need I have at this point is out of my power to obtain. I’ve got keys to a house and a Ugandan phone number…everything from here on out is not in my control. I am relying solely on the power of the Holy Spirit to lead me to the right people and places to fulfill his purposes here. I am so scared, more than I have ever been before, but that fear is the reason I’m praying harder than I ever have and I’m deeper in love with The Father today than I was yesterday.

These are the ramblings of a girl who has lived in Uganda for one week and has no idea what she’s doing…so now you know if you ever read anything good, anything inspiring, anything beautiful on this blog, THAT is JESUS, and not me.

I am weak and small, but Christ in me is faithful and strong.