Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Homesick

Home. Home sounds like Dad’s boots walking to his police car at six in the morning. Home feels warm and smells like Mom’s coffee brewing. Home is skipping our last class and driving to the island in Hannah’s red pickup truck to have lunch and laugh until we cry. Home feels like 70 mph (sorry Dad) on my way to church as the sun rises on a Sunday morning. Sometimes on a hard day I get homesick for that kind of home. I long for the comfort of everything I’ve known for the past nineteen years.


I used to get homesick for Africa. I remember sitting in class dreaming of sunshine, chickens running around, hundreds of tiny hands all fighting to hold mine. I’m here now, the sun shines bright, the chickens live right outside my door, and the tiny hands are those of my best friends who live in the slum down the road. Now home is eating beans and rice by flashlight because it’s rainy season and the power is out again. Home is playing Kapa Egoba* with the kids in Suubi and not even noticing the language barrier because we’re sharing so much laughter. Home is singing hymns with my classmates in perfect harmony and not being able to breathe because Jesus is just so close, so present.


And now I’ve got a problem. Two families. Two homes 8,594 miles away from each other. A life full of goodbyes. I don’t think I can handle June 9th when I will have to say goodbye to Uganda. I definitely won’t be able to handle the day when I’ll leave everything behind and permanently move to Africa. If I think about it for too long, tears well up in my eyes and a lump rises in my throat. No, God, I am too weak to keep saying goodbye to home!

And He so graciously picks me up and reminds me that I don’t have to. I don’t ever have to say goodbye to home, if I would just run to Him. When I let Him become my comfort and peace, I am home. He IS my home. And wherever He sends me, He will be right there with me. With Him, my heart is home and a new kind of homesickness is brought about. The more He becomes my home, the more my heart looks like His, I become homesick for things to be right again, for wars to cease and famines to end, for the Lord to return and make all things new. The eternity in my heart longs for the day when death and mourning will be no more. The more my eyes are opened, the more I see what He sees, the more desperate I am for the day Jesus will return for His bride and we will be home with Him forever.


Jesus, come fill me. Satisfy me. Be my comfort, my peace, my home.

 *Kapa Egoba is my favorite Ugandan game! It translates to Cat and Rat. Everyone stands in a circle, holding hands. “Egoba” stands on the inside of the circle and “kapa” stands on the outside. The cat chases the rat, and the people in the circle try to keep the cat away from rat by blocking him out with their joined hands. Does that makes sense? You should just come over, and my friends will teach you how to play…;)

4 comments:

  1. Beautiful, Natalie. I love and miss you very much!
    Always, Gammy

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  2. He is yours and you are His. When you want so badly to just be at His precious feet and in His arms remember He is in you and there is where you will find Him. Although, you can't seem Him He is lifting up your face with both His hands breathing strength into you lungs and agape love into your heart. He is yours and you are His" do you hear His voice "I am yours and you are mine." Let go and He will catch you.

    You are strengthened and will do amazing things. The work you do is for all. I am 10k miles away but you have even touched my heart and His has spoken throu me to tell you this very thing.

    Love you little sister in Christ. <3



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  3. Natalie, this is a beautiful post, as are all your posts. Once, when I was so homesick (and I only lived 676 miles away!) a wise man told me that mostly, people don't need WHERE you are, they need WHO you are. I believe God will give you opportunities to connect to close family members and friends throughout your life; but in the meantime, we can focus on a Better County, a Beaulah Land, where no sad goodbyes will be spoken.

    I have grown to love the "who" of Natalie Brown through these posts, and continue to pray for you and your ministry. God's grace and peace to you, Natalie.

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  4. Tears welled up in my eyes as I read your post. I am Grateful that you are Showing Jesus to everyone around you. It is our greatest honor to be used by God in this way. Let your Light shine on Sis..! We should ALL be homesick because it keeps Heaven in the right perspective. Thank you so much for sharing. Many Blessings to you and your ever growing family:)

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