Monday, February 18, 2013
Today I’m thankful for a God who sees me. I’m thankful for a God who is so massive and strong, but looks down on me and calls me His daughter. I’m thankful for a God who never loses interest in me; a God who doesn’t miss one anxious thought, one wide awake night, one desperate tear. He sees and He knows. They say God will never give you more than you can handle. Well, I know for a fact that I am not strong enough for what He’s been giving me. I’m not strong enough to be this far away from my little sister’s laugh and my Mom’s wise words and my Dad’s Saturday morning pancakes. I’m not strong enough to hear a drunk grandmother verbally abuse the malnourished baby in my lap, praying that God will protect her. I’m not strong enough to look at my friend’s lifeless body, eyes still open, wrapped up in a sheet and pushed to the corner of a back room in Mulago Hospital. I can’t handle it. But He sees all of it. He sees my broken, mess of a heart and says “Let me be your strength.” God has given me a tiny glimpse of what He sees, and now my strength is not enough. I know that as I keep choosing to take up my cross and follow Jesus, things will only get harder. God will keep giving me more than I can handle, and I will either have to give up, or surrender. My prayer is that I will always choose to surrender to the God who sees my whole heart, even the messy parts, and loves me anyway.